My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
There's even glitter on my cock...
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