Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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