Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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