My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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