Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize