god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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