i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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