I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
