I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
