I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found the puke drawer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
