It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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