Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
