No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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