apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
