my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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