Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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