Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
