I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i believe in u and ur pee
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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