my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
