I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
