If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
