Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
