She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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