sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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