Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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