Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
