Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
