Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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