I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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