literally had 100 drinks last night.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
