The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
