I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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