So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
