hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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