Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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