I smell stomach acid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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