I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
