Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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