look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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