I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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