Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
