3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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