1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
