I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
