3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
