I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
