I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I party with great urgency now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
