This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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