So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
