I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
