Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
