he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
