Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
