She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
