You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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