I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
