what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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