What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
